Dating

This page shows what little I know about romance (and what I do instead of going on real dates). So, I really need your contributions here!

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Topics this page:
Still Single?  The Vacuum  Hunting Advice  Meet Markets  A Cautionary Tale  Celibacy  Love Chemicals  Jokes 
Related: What Is Love?  What We Want  Weddings  Breaking Up 

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Still Single?

“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.” —Zsa Zsa Gabor “The wise never marry. And when they marry, they become otherwise.” From the About.com Dating Advice Guide and other sites: “Men are like buses. Just wait on the corner and another one will come along.” “Dating is like a snowstorm -- you have to suffer through a lot of flakes.” “Before, it was so many women, so little time. Now, it's so many character defects, so little time.” “She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.” —Oscar Levant to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancee. Get this print framed for your wall! “Now to the unmarried and the widows, I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But, if they cannot control themselves, they should marry.” 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (NIV)

25 sarcastic comebacks to the age old question "Why aren't you married yet?" Get this print framed for your wall! Reverse Attack: Why aren't you thin? I'm waiting until I get to be your age. Sarcastic: Because I just love hearing this question. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness. It gives my mother something to live for. Self deprecating: Nobody would believe me in white. My fiancée is awaiting his/her parole. We really want to, but my lover's spouse just won't go for it. Devaluing: It didn't seem worth a blood test. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads? I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating. Minimizing: Just lucky, I guess. I'm already married to my career. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life. My job doesn't allow spouses. I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America. I'd have to forfeit my crown. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund. Shifting: They just opened a great singles bar on my block. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to good shows? An finally... I haven't met the right one yet.

The Vacuum

“There is a God-shaped vacuum in every heart.” —Blaise Pascal

“The deep yearning we sometimes feel for a physical relationship has within it a yearning that is deeper still. We are not at home in a body, and we are not fully and unwaveringly wanted by another other body. yet we do have a home, and we have an endless welcome there. It is that for which we yearn.” — Hugh Prather in "The Quiet Answer", p 137

“Marriage does not make a person whole. Faith in Jesus as Lord and Saviour is the only way to achieve wholeness. Sadly, many Christian singles feel pressured to seek a mate rather than to seek the will of God for their lives. This pressure often causes confusion for the person who is called by God to the single life, and that confusion sometimes leads to wrong decisions.” —from Encouraging Words for Christian Singles

“Any time we look to anyone or anything other than God to give us meaning, to meet our needs, we are creating an idol.” — Fern Horst in her "Complete As One" article at her Purposeful Singleness site, which has a Discussion Area and Articles.

Are you a Type I Relationship Victim?

Peter K. Gerlach asks stepfamiles to avoid causes for divorce by clarifying their Reasons to Remarry and offers projects:

1. Assess for inner wounds of un-recovering Grown Wounded Children
2. Learn effective problem-solving to resolve conflicts with assets, beliefs, habits, values, rituals, priorities, and lifestyles.
3. Clarify identity and membership belonging.
4. Define myths vs. realities of role expectations and rules.
5. Recognize blocked grief over the Inventory of Losses and adjustment tasks.
6. Draft a stepfamily Mission Statement and job descriptions together. Learn adjustment tasks.

7. Intentionally make (vs. "find") enough time for undistracted intimacy, play, sharing, planning, and problem-solving.
8. Agree on a plan to help each child, and implement it.
9. Build a support network.
10. Enjoy your shared challenge.

“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” —Jules Renard

Advice on Looking for a Mate

From The About.Com Dating Guide and other sites: You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. — Sam Keen “You can marry a rich person just as easily as you can a poor person.” What about a rich man? “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. —Rita Rudner “Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.” “Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man.” —Joseph Joubert 1 Samuel 16:7b The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 1 Peter 3:3-4 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. In perhaps the only physical description of Jesus Christ, Isaiah 53:2 (NIV) prophesied “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.”

This drawing, by W.E. Hill, is one of the most famous ambiguous illusions. Our mind can interpret this picture two ways: a mature woman or a young girl's face in profile. One women's thin lipped smile can also be seen as the young girl's choker-collar. The prominent nose on one woman is the chin of the other woman.


Get this print framed for your wall!

Bevery LaHay interviews Eric & Leslie Ludy, authors of Romance God's Way --> You Can Find Love: What Your Fantasies Reveal by Gantly Morris.

• On Handling Rejection
• Who, me bitter? getting down-graded/relegated to a Plutonic Friend.

Single But Not Alone by Doug Goins.

Dave Egner's on-line booklet on Singleness: The Misunderstood World of Single Adults examines the myths and explores scriptures relevant to singles.

A Single's Prayer from the Single's Mall

Christian Dating Tips: Keep it relaxed and safe.

Single, But Not Alone monthly column by Cary Branscum to deal with "Single Friday Night Blues."

Tim Stafford's articles on "Love, Sex and the Whole Person"

Ben Young's The Single Connection radio show live call-ins Sunday Night 9 - 11 CST. Or Dr. Laura Schlessinger can insult you on Real Audio.

• Christian Singles Articles and Christian Singles Links.
• Girl's Guide to Geek Guys and Gard's Parable on why guys are so insensitive.
• Gabriella's Love Page has articles on flirting, dating, how to break up, and getting over it.
• Nina Atwood's Singles Coach newsletter.
• Christian Single magazine.
• Pickup Lines and other Dating Tips for Guys, such as Dumb Dating Mistakes Men Make With Women
• Neil Clark Warren's pages only plug his popular books (sadly, no content that I could find).
• True Woman helps women grow in their personal relationship with the Lord.

  A shy young man took his girlfriend for a ride into the country hoping to get her to be more affectionate toward him. He looked out the window and saw a cow licking her calf. He asked his girlfriend what she thought the cow was doing. She said the cow was licking her calf to show affection. She said, "I guess you could say the cow is kissing her calf." He said, "Can I do that?" She said, "I don't care, it's not my calf." —from The Preacher Joke-a-Day Calendar (Feb. 8, 1998)

  Courtship, Dating and Right Relationships

It is surprising that “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by young Joshua Harris and Rebecca St James is so popular because it calls for such a radical set of behavior -- no kissing until the wedding! That's more conservative than most parents and pastors experienced in their own dating patterns during the 50's and 60's. But what a rush that is. Get it discounted here.

Quiz:

Who does the Bible name as full of beauty? One answer. Who can be an angel of light?

The answer may surprise you.

Meet Markets (Matchmaking Sites)

“do not spend your strength on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings.” — Proverbs 31:3 (NIV) Boaz said to Ruth “You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character.” —Ruth 3:10b-11 (NIV) “But seek ye first the kingdom of God,and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” —Matthew 6:33 (NIV) “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” — 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV) "Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord". —Proverbs 19:14 (NIV)

Among the matrix of features on Single Sites and Cupid's Network Affiliates: Christian Connection Matchmaker claims to be "The Largest Christian Singles Site on the Internet" for its detailed profiles. Exchange email within their system only. Cybergrace Christian Single Connection. Single Christian Network's list can only be browsed by age or state only and doesn't allow room for anything but superficial adjectives. But you may like their articles. Same Height? We can be "true equals"! We wouldn't have to adjust car seats when we get in each other's car. We won't get a back injury bending to kiss each other. We won't have to adjust the shower heads. We could stare in each other's eyes all the time. We could wear each other's clothes (well, just robes, shirts, and jeans - not underwear). We could arm wrestle to settle arguments. We can't make fun of each other's height.

A Cautionary Tell

Proverbs 7 My son, keep my words and store up my commands within you. Keep my commands and you will live; guard my teachings as the apple of your eye. Bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, "You are my sister," and call understanding your kinsman; they will keep you from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words. ... I noticed among the young men, a youth who lacked judgment. He was going down the street near her corner, walking along in the direction of her house at twilight ... Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent. (She is loud and defiant, her feet never stay at home; now in the street, now in the squares, at every corner she lurks.) She took hold of him and kissed him and with a brazen face she said: "I have fellowship offerings at home; today I fulfilled my vows. So I came out to meet you; I looked for you and have found you!  I have covered my bed with colored linens from Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. Come, let's drink deep of love till morning; let's enjoy ourselves with love!  My husband is not at home; ... With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life. Now then, my sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say. Do not let your heart turn to her ways or stray into her paths. Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death. Proverbs 5:3-6 For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave [hell]. She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not. 1 Kings 11 King Solomon loved many foreign women, as well as the daughter of Pharaoh: women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians, and Hittites-- 2 from the nations of whom the Lord had said to the children of Israel, "You shall not intermarry with them, nor they with you. Surely they will turn away your hearts after their gods." Solomon clung to these in love. 3 And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart. 1 Timothy 5:6 the widow who lives only for pleasure is spiritually dead.

The Sirens

“... those creates who spellbound away men alive ...part woman, part bird... where draws too close, off guard, and catches the Sirens' voices in the air —no sailing home for him ...” —Homer, The Odyssey

From Microsoft Encarta on CD ROM (c) 1994:
Sirens, in Greek mythology, sea nymphs, with the bodies of birds and the heads of women, the daughters of the sea god Phorcys. The Sirens had voices of such sweetness that mariners who heard their songs were lured onto the rocks on which the nymphs sang. The Greek hero Odysseus was able to pass their island with safety because, following the advice of the sorceress Circe, he stopped the ears of his companions with wax and had himself firmly bound to the mast of the ship so that he might hear the songs without danger. In another legend the Argonauts escaped the Sirens because Orpheus, who was on board the Argo, sang so sweetly that he drowned out the song of the nymphs. According to later legends, the Sirens, in vexation at the escape of Odysseus or at the victory of Orpheus, threw themselves into the sea and perished.

Celibacy

I don't always know what God's will is for me, but I always know what it's not. “For God wants you to be holy and pure and to keep clear of all sexual sin so that each of you will marry in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion as the heathen do, in their ignorance of God and his ways.” — 1st Thessalonians 4:3-5 (TLB) “Let your manhood be a blessing; rejoice in the wife of your youth. Let her charms and tender embrace satisfy you. Let her love alone fill you with delight.” — Proverbs 5:18-19 (TLB) “Abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul.“ — 1 Peter 2:11 (KJV) “As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves; also in all your behavior; because it is written, "YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY." And if you address as Father the One who impartially judges according to each man's work, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your stay upon earth; knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers, but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ.” —1st Peter 1:14-19 “You have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body” — 1 Corinthians 6:20 By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter; choosing rather to endure ill-treatment with the people of God, than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin; considering the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures of Egypt; for he was looking to the reward. —Hebrews 11:24-26 “Anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” —Matthew 5:28 (TLB) I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.  —Job 31:1 Turn my eyes away from worthless things — Psalm 119:37  Run away from fornication! Every sin that a person does is outside the body; but he who commits fornication sins against his own body. —1st Corinthians 6:18-20 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints [because these are improper for God's holy people]; —Ephesians 5:3 (KJV) [NIV] Fear it, Ophelia, fear it, my dear sister, And keep you in the rear of your affection, Out of the shot and danger of desire. ... Be wary then; best safety lies in fear: —advice of a brother (Laertes) to his sister (Ophelia) in Act 1, Scene 3, line 35-37&45 of Shakespeare's Hamlet. ... be an example for other believers in your speech, behavior, love, faithfulness, and purity. —Matthew 4:18-20 To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy —Jude 1:24-25 Monks and Monastaries

Foreploy (n.) Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex. Stallions fed wild oats are supposedly more libidinous, hence the saying “sowing wild oats.” “Physical involvement can cloud the issue of assessing the other person and your relationship. It can make you feel like this is the person you want to marry, but can also obscure your objective assessment of the actual person and whether or not you can build a good relationship for the rest of your lives.” —Fern Horst Alice Fryling's Why Wait For Sex? presents a concise and straight-forward case for waiting by examining the lies and offers suggestions for maintaining healthy relationships in spite of strong sexual desires. A Study of New York's Monroe County Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention campaign of billboards, posters, commercials, and Not Me Not Now website on "what smart kids say to sex" features a Guide to Talking About Sex and a quiz for teens to see how well they handle peer pressure Essays On Sexual Purity Joseph - Godly Character Under Pressure. Designed For Desire: God's design for sexuality A Dictionary of Sex in the Bible by Ronald L. Ecker Center for Disease Control's Sexually Transmitted Disease reports Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. One said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" The other replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?" How Can I Resist The Lure Of Sexual Sin? Taking temptation seriously Mike McMillan on Overcoming Temptation Reported in ReligionToday.com August 11, 1998 A school nurse in Charlestown, Mass., encourages teen-age girls to abstain from sex. Esther Splaine formed Girls Against Premarital Sex, a weekly support group to help them practice abstinence. "Any slip-ups since our last meeting?" she asks about five girls at the Wednesday morning gathering. "I tell my boyfriend, 'I can't have sex with you because I'm in the group,' " Tacha, a sophomore, said. About 12 million American teens begin having sex every year and about 1 million become pregnant, the Christian Science Monitor said. ...Rather than stress "safe sex," Splaine urges the girls to "save sex" until they are married. Rules for the group include never being alone with a boy and attending weekly church or synagogue services. Splaine formed the group to counter sex education classes that focus more on how to use contraceptives than how to abstain, she said. "The problem I have with sex ed is that there is one sentence on abstinence and 10 sentences on how to use a condom." She is also against school clinics that distribute condoms without telling parents. "Mom doesn't know. Now you've introduced secrets. You've made the boyfriend very powerful," she said. ...The group helps girls to resist temptation. "It gives me more strength to say no to my boyfriend," said Fara. Girls who are not involved in sexual relationships can channel their energy to sports and making good grades. "I tell them, 'When you practice abstinence and self-control, the likelihood of getting sidetracked is so much less. The likelihood of reaching your dreams is so much better,' " Splaine said. Most teen-agers choose abstinence. For the first time in 20 years, a majority of American teen-agers are sexually abstinent, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said. The prevalence of sexual experience decreased 11% between 1991 and 1997, the CDC said. The percentage of sexually active male students fell to 48.8% from 57.4%. Teen girls experiencing intercourse dropped from 50.8% in 1991, to 47.7%. The percentage of sexually active females age 15-19 had increased from 29% in 1970 to 57% in 1988. This True Love Waits campaign (800-588-9248) was begun by Southern Baptists and used by other denominations. They stage events where young people displayed pledge cards on bridges around the country to demonstrate their commitment to sexual abstinence. The pledge states:   Believing that TRUE LOVE WAITS, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, those I date, my future mate and my future children to be sexually pure until the day I enter a covenant marriage relationship. For those who dare to be different. For those who choose the best. For those willing to take control. For You and the two most wonderful days of your life Celibacy FAQ Abstinance campaign directors in state governments Revirginize and get a certificate from The Society for the Recapture of Virginity (a great e-commerce spoof)

Chemical Love

Scientists have determined that love can cause the brain to release endorphins, a type of edogeneous morphine which produce a general sense of peace and well-being. Additionally, feelings of satisfaction and attachment during and after lovemaking is linked to the chemical oxytocin .

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Adam & Woman

“The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Genesis 2:15-25

And God created woman.
And she was good.
And she had two arms, two legs, and three breasts.
And God asked woman what she would like to have changed about herself.
And she asked for her middle breast to be removed.
And it was good.
She stood with her third breast in her hand and asked God
what should be done with the useless boob?
And God created man.

One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out, "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?", The Lord replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution.
I shall create a 'woman' for you."
"What's a 'woman', Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.", replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great."
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?", Adam replies.
"She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face.
Finally Adam asks the Lord,
"Uh, what can I get for a rib?"

Let's Pretend We're Married

From The Bartender joke archives.

A priest and nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available.

Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed. Nun: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room.

Ten minutes later...
Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold.
Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does)

Ten minutes later...
Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does)

Ten minutes later...
Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.

Priest: You're probably right ...
get up and get your own damn blanket.

“Personally I know nothing about sex because I have always been married." —Zsa Zsa Gabor